Hollywood Continues To Lie To Me…

I see so many fucking movies set back in ages where indoor plumbing was not even a twinkle in the eye of the greatest minds of the time… and there are sex scenes. These sex scenes are always so perfectly portrayed like some kind of PG rated porno film… but there are so many historical realities of the time that are not reflected. Even remotely!

All it takes to bring this home to me is if I go an entire weekend without a shower, then scratch my own taint and accidentally raise my hand anywhere near my nose. I mean…. DAMN. Humans do not smell good unless we be showering or bathing every second date MAX. My nuts tell me that three days is beyond the limit for my own personal freshness. I almost want to stop scratching myself.

 

My Coffee Is Sacred

So, we have the carafe style coffee makers now. No more of this individualization of your coffee experience… unless you like using those syrups, then all the power to ya.

But everyone feels like they gotta get all creative with the coffee making. The one chick in this area who drinks decaf makes a 1.5 package pot of decaf. Whatever, it’s fucking decaf… you’re already laying with Satan for that.

But this older lady in the office, who I’m pretty sure she is a pack a day smoker, has been beating me into the office and taken over the whole coffee making thing. (I’ve been consistently making the coffee since switching over and she’s been at the other office until last week.)

She has got the philosophy of only making a half pot since “it’s more flavorful” this way. I don’t know what the fuck she is doing but yesterday and Friday, the coffee tasted like battery acid was mixed in and this morning is is weak as fuck.

Why do people need to keep fucking with my coffee? If I had any confidence that it wouldn’t get stolen, I’d just buy a Tassimo to keep at my desk.

And, to that older lady? If you want your food or drink to me more flavorful… how about you quit fucking smoking, ok?

You might actually be able to taste things if you didn’t dump ashes into your mouth all day long. Think about that.