Take The Pain Away

Just over ten months ago, I was involved in an automobile accident. More precisely, I was rear-ended by a truck travelling at a high rate of speed on the freeway heading home from work. Another truck had lost a load of insulation on the freeway ahead which caused traffic to slow to a crawl.

I was driving my 2014 Mazda 3 Sport that I’d owned for approximately 9 months. I slowed down to match the rate of speed of the rest of traffic ahead of me however the truck behind me did not. The truck impacted my car sending me into the rear end of the truck in front of me and then careening off into the ditch.

My car was damaged beyond repair. The trunk and back seat were flattened to the point of being non-existent and the front end was pushed in approximately six inches as a result of the impact with the truck in front of me.

Fire crews and paramedics arrived on the scene within minutes. As they were unable to ascertain whether or not I had a spinal cord injury as a result of the violent collision, the proceeded with caution and opted to use the Jaws Of Life to cut my now demolished Mazda apart to extract me from it. I was then carefully lifted onto a spinal board where they immobilized me before lifting me into the awaiting ambulance.

I was taken to the hospital for an X-ray and kept under observation for a couple of hours. After my doctor reviewed my X-ray results, he deemed me to have no spinal cord injuries and he released me. This would begin the long process of rehab; nurses at the hospital advised me that the immediate pain would subside over a couple of days and that I’d probably experience soreness and aching that would last for some time.

I went through months of rehab that would often leave me with an aching neck or shoulders as well as a headache… but as the saying goes, “no pain, no gain.”

Eventually, my insurance company would cut off my rehab appointments. And, at first, I felt ok and my neck did not feel too bad. I was optimistic about my long term prognosis!

Over the past two weeks, however, this optimism has faded. This past two weeks have been… painful. I don’t want to call it ‘agonizing’ as this would be melodramatic but having a persistent headache and daily neck pain changes my day to day outlook.

I’ve come to grips with the fact that, as a result of this accident, I will never be the same and will require constant rehab to stave off headaches as well as neck and shoulder pain. How I’m going to pay for it, however… that’s another issue.

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Sometimes, I feel like the bad doctor.

…especially in the wake of so many of my talented and intelligent coworkers are being laid off. And then there’s me… maybe not homogenously unqualified but I definitely do not have the intellectual and professional pedigree that these people do. But here I am, moving into a newly created position with massive potential and my professional friends are being terminated.

How far can you coast on charm? Well pretty far, actually.

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Talk Like A Pirate Day Is Coming

September 19th. It’s marked in my calendar and I’ve been celebrating it for years now. I am well known amongst my friends for starting to talk like a pirate when I get drunk. To be fair, I break into accents quite often and even moreso if I’ve got a few beers under my belt.

My friend, Trev, emailed me to remind me that TLAPD is coming this Saturday. I replied to this email with:

Yer spewin bilge bout this scallywag fergettin TLAPD, ye best belay that talk! This old coat’s been on th’ account since ye’s were a wee landlubber! By th’ stars, TLAPD be fallin on Saturn’s Day meanin t’is time t’ go ashore, splice he mainbrace and get loaded to th’ gunwales!! Yarrr!!

He could only reply, exasperated, with:

Thordamnit… (He’s of Nordic descent.)

After trading these emails, I felt that I should share this with my girl. And then, this exchange happened:

Her: Holy fuck I wish I had that kind of talent. LOL

Me: And, somehow, I’m not getting paid to do this.

Her: You’re looking for work in the wrong industry. Pirate Porn. You need to look into a career in Pirate Porn.

Me: Yarr!! Ye likes that, ye buxom wench? Ar, t’is me yardarm lass. Be ye ready t’scrape the barnacles from’ me hull? Yarrrrr….

Her: See?!?

Me: LOL I only wish T’would be a salty dog’s dream come true.

So my question NOW is… how do you get into Pirate Porn?

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The Game™

I am playing a game with you. It’s the same game that you are playing with me. I say this to ensure you are aware.

I don’t know what your endgame is, however. That being said, I don’t think it matters that much to me. I’m flexible and I have my own house in order just how I like it and need it. And whatever endgame you are playing towards cannot change that. 

But let’s forget the endgame. The endgame is boring and menial and exhausting. It’s not the kind of living that we are moving our chess pieces to win. The game is afoot but it is not this game. 

This. This is the real game. 

This is what you want; it’s what I want. It’s your soft lips tenderly accepting a kiss from my lips. It’s my fingertips finding their way down the front of your panties. It’s our hot breath commingling during the sweet agony of our union. It’s the smacking of our bodies against each other, in sweaty ecstasy. 

It’s your hair wrapped up in the grip of my fist with you on your knees while I bury myself into you from behind over and over. 

As they say, the game’s afoot. And I am engaged to claim my prize. 

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From Behind


From Behind.

From Behind.

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The Labor Day Holiday

On Labor Day, it’s ok to let someone else do some of the work:

Riding MeStroke MeFuck MeSuck Me


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I want to devour an entire roast chicken right now. 

Yeah. I am kind of hungry. 

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